What Am I Doing

The coolest shiz eva'

2006-01-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

What the heck. I can't believe how this works. It is pretty money g. So watch out for a pull ou' my nine and bussa cap up-in-ya. BIOTCH.

Tranzliate this Shiznit to Jive!

Click the Spinn'n Rim Beotch!

www.myYearbook.com -- Created
by 2 high school students to kick myspace's ass

Who I Am...Really

2006-01-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

You're a Komodo Dragon!

While many people like to talk about running off to be the vicious
dictator of a small distant island, you feel you have more potential to follow
through on this plan than anyone. Big, strong, muscular, and a teensy bit
vindictive, you feel you could overpower anyone who tried to question your
authority. When not taking over the world, island by island, you enjoy sunning
yourself on the beach. You have an absurdly long tongue.

Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

My Brother

2006-01-07T19:35:00.000-08:00

I will not see my brother for six months. Wow. That is wierd. He is in Europe for the study abroad program through University of Illinois. The worst part is that we had to say goodbye on New Year's Eve. We weren't really in a good condition to be honest enough with each other about not seeing each other for so long a period. It is wierd.

So, funny story about that. He tells my wife and I to put something in his car for him when we leave. So, we take his keys, go out and put something in his car, then we get in our car and drive home. The next day we get up at like 7:30 am (I know, I know) and leave for St. Louis. About the time we hit Springfield, I get a call from Joe...uh...you didn't by chance, ya know, take my keys with you last night. Oh shit.

So, that makes his trip extra special. Oh well. Call it a going away gift.

I start my new teaching job on Wednesday. I'm excited and scared. It is in a very rough neighborhood and I'm kinda nervous. I know I can handle it and I'm not really worried about getting mugged or something, I don't know. It is just a change of pace and atmosphere for me. I hope it goes well. I'm positive.

The new Shane and Shane CD, unreal. Check it out. www.shaneandshane.com

Off to play nerts with my girl. Have a good night.

Mama's little baby better get herself in...

2005-04-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

I am excited. This Friday I have a show at Saint Charles Coffee House at eight o'clock and there are some "people" coming to check it out. The problem is that I am getting more and more nervous. But I am sure that it will be fine.

Last night I was talking with some of my friends about taming our tongues and trying our best not to judge others in a world where we are taught more about how to judge another than how to find people's strength. I don't really know when it started, judging people. It seems so void compared to searching for another person's enjoyable qualities. Yet, time after time I find myself sliding back into a place where I can't help but splash into this pool of seeming hatred as I immediately limit everyone I come into contact by the first thing I see them wearing, saying, or doing. And all the while I rarely even consider what it is that I am saying and doing. Wow, isn't this strange. While writing this I realize that I always am concientious of the things I am wearing, but rarely what it is I am saying, and even less what it is that I am doing.

The only thing I can ask myself is how did I get here and how do I leave? In this room, in this building, in this town, in this county, in this state of misguided and rearranged priorities. Did my country bring me here? Will knowing if it did and who to blame, will that help me? When I search myself about this, I often am lead back to the passage from John 9. Jesus is asked, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" These people were looking for blame. Looking for cause and effect, but Jesus responds by saying that no sin caused his blindness, but God made him blind so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. Maybe to God, blindness is not a handicap. Maybe it is a blessing because the only thing that a blind man sees when he meets God, is God.

So I feel like searching for blame about why I have the thoughts that I have might be an endless and fruitless search. Maybe spending my time instead trying to learn how to control the thoughts that I have and make them right is more gain. Not only do I gain by finding better friendships in friends I may have never known when remaining judgmental, but also people around me learn what it is to see an honest and accepting person. Maybe I would have never known how to be honest and accepting if it were not for someone in my life showing me by honestly accepting who I am. So difficult. So rewarding. So painful.

What to do

2005-04-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

At school today during first hour, I recieved a note that said -

One of our students has died this morning. She was a senior on the track team and well liked by her peers. She also had a daughter.

The track team was currently being told that this had happened and then they were told to return to class. I have eight students in one class who are on the track team. They had a quiz today. They asked not to take it. I told them they did not have to. Then they sat at their desks and cried. I was trying to get some grading done and found myself staring an unfocused gaze at one of the girls who was crying. Her chin wrinkled up as she tried to keep from bursting out. I started to cry and sunk into my chair at my desk in the front of the room. I have never even met this girl. I have no reason to cry.

It is at this point that I now realize some of the meaning behind the verse John 11:35 saying Jesus wept. I feel like I cry because I long to mourn with people when they mourn. I think that might be one of the only responses we can take. There is nothing I can say or do that will make the closest of her friends not feel pain. All I could do was cry. I have never cried in front of my students and I did not show that I was crying, but I think one student saw me. She was crying already and I wonder if she thought I was stupid for crying since I didn't know the girl. But I was moved. I think. Anyway, it put some things in perspective and made me sad that I am going to be leaving at the end of the semester. I am beginning to love these kids.

bradley